Being
Directive!! or Dominating??
It was today’s morning when I got into metro station. A
pretty lady asked me “ Will this metro go to Kalka Ji”. “Yes”, I said. I had
draped my face with scarf. I opened it and she said after looking at me “She
is beautiful”. I asked “who she”? You, she replied. Ohh! I did not get why she
said “she is beautiful” instead of “you are beautiful”. But I responded with
thanks and smile to her compliment. She was a beautiful lady , she had
beautiful eyes but had dark circles all beneath and above her eyes. She started
making a conversation.
She --What do you
do?
I -- I am doing job .
She --
where ?
I -- Noida.
She – Ohkay, what is
your qualification?
I – I am an
engineering graduate from YMCA University.
She – Ohkay
I – I also do
modeling part time , just as a hobby.
She – I also wanted
to do modeling, but then there happened some tragedy in my life and I could not do anything.
She then showed me few of her
pictures. She was looking nice in the pictures .I wont say that it was a model
type pic but she looked beautiful and I said her so ,that she looked beautiful
in the pics. She then opened up a bit and began to talk more about her life. “My husband expelled me out of his
house 13 years ago. I found out that he was cheating on me and when he got a
hint of this he started making fuss of things and finally barred me to enter
his house. His brother, sister and mother all went against me. No one stood
there for me and I was pushed out of the house”. I was astonished by the story
so far! I couldn't digest the fact how could a person divorce her wife with
two grown up children , that too just because of an affair. Why the hell did
you get married to that girl then? Why did you spoilt her life if you could
have avoided it? Thoughts like these keep coming to my mind. She had two
children . One boy and a girl. Both were kept with the father and mother was
not allowed to meet her children. I seriously can’t take these things! I was
furious , very furious. “Why the hell don’t you take the help of Women
helpline, police or some Mahila sanghathan. They are always like there for
you”. She of course had tried her luck everywhere but bad luck followed her where ever she would go.
Her husband is a businessman of Faridabad and deals in some disposables
business. Businessman , hence Money tree people. Her husband bribed every
department according to the lady and every department refused to help her. I
felt very sad for her. “Why don’t you file an F.I.R. against them, why don’t
you ask for compensation? Don’t let that bastard go away like that. Use social
media , do some thing but don’t just sit like an Abla Naari. You should take a
stand and gain some self confidence. You are too beautiful to suffer all this", I
went on saying such things to her. I personally wanted to kill the man at that
moment and mentally I did that successfully. I just cant understand this concept of treating your lady like
furniture. You don’t like it, just throw it away and get a new one. I know all
men are not the same ( well I hope so) . But there is something that gets into
a man’s head after getting married. They kind of want to take charge of
everything and they don’t seem to care about person’s opinions or life. I fail
to understand it Why does it happen. Its good to take charge of some one’s
life. I may be wrong and I so wish to be wrong here in this case. But people need to get this into their head that there is certain difference between BEING DIRECTIVE AND BEING
DOMINATING.
We kept on talking till we
reached Kalka Ji. Meanwhile, she also told me that she wants to work now and I
motivated her to do so. We exchanged numbers. I promised to help her in what
ever manner I could do. She smiled and I was relieved a bit to see her smile.
Metro stopped at Kalka Ji , she
got up. I got up too. I hugged her tight ,kissed her and said “gear up girl,
give it back to that fat ass and I am always there for you. You have all the
right to be happy and cheerful” She said she was happy to meet me and I was
happy to hear that. I hope the girl gets justice and that bastard gets a lesson
for life! People having money feel like they can rule the world and do whatever
with whosoever. I feel scared after seeing such things happening so frequently
and my disbelief on marriage gets even
stronger J
Don’t get married it’s a trap!
Well incase you are wondering who
is this SHE? Her name was Ritu, just another girl with unsuccessful marriage.
And that does not matter, what matters is that just the name is different but
the deed is same everywhere. This Mother’s day has no significance for her.
This is what that makes it even worse. A lady can live without her partner but
without her children , its almost like tearing her apart.
Hope she gets some reason to be happy now! Bless her!
Disclaimer :- Please do not take any thing too personally. I wrote what I felt or what she felt. Any blog ever will not do the justice to the pain I saw in her eyes . If you are happily married, may be you are lucky or may be those who are not happy with their married lives are unlucky! The crux is just that don't let a bad incident/experience ruin your whole life. DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY! Coz ultimately every one is doing so! :) :)
You can leave your comments! :)
Many human troubles would be lessened if the emotional needs of infants and young children were better understood in our society. This applies particularly to attachment needs and the effects of separating infants from their parents.
ReplyDeleteCan you imagine how you might feel if you were happily married, and your partner suddenly disappeared for a week or two, and then reappeared without explanation, expecting to carry on as if nothing had happened? And what if he or she were holding someone else? Many toddlers have been in a situation like this when their mothers had a new baby. Infants, by definition, are children who are too young to talk, and they cannot understand the future when repeatedly told that "Mummy will come back soon".
Nature has provided a process of "bonding", so that normally a mother becomes attached to her particular baby, making her want to stay near him or her and respond to any crying or other signals. Successful bonding is helped by keeping mother and baby together in the early hours and days after delivery and breastfeeding. If they are separated at this time bonding may not occur normally. In many animals, and sometimes in humans, this may lead a mother to reject her baby. Nature's pattern seems to be that mothers and infants are designed to stay close to each other and in physical contact for much of the time, especially in the first year of life, while mother goes about her activities. Breastfeeding is part of Nature's pattern, to work with attachment behavior in developing a close, warm, and pleasurable mother-infant relationship. In humans, for better or for worse, these are the early days in a relationship which, in some form or other, will be lifelong. It may be that one day this baby will care for the mother or father.
Babies' wants are much the same as their needs, and they will signal these needs to their mothers when they are thirsty, or wanting to be cuddled or see what is going on. Babies need their mothers and other carers to be sensitive and responsive to their signals. Through this responsive relationship, mother infant "attunement" normally develops, in which the interactions of mother and baby are like a coordinated "dance", which forms the basis for later communication and language development.
ReplyDeleteWe know now that ideas that such care will "spoil" a baby have been mistaken. 0n the contrary, responsive mothering is a good basis for the infant's present and future well-being. As the baby becomes older he or she in turn develops strong attachment bonds to the mother, and, hopefully, also to the father and others, thus providing a "secure base" for learning about the world.
In natural conditions, infants separated from their mothers could be in great danger, and, over time, only those infants with an instinctive concern to stay somewhere near their mothers were likely to survive to produce the next generation. So this same instinctive concern is usually seen in infants today. This is the basis of the "separation anxiety" which normal infants often show, if they cannot re-unite with their mothers, or someone who provides their secure base. Infants may develop attachments to other members of the family or carers, who can take mother's place for a while. But if mother does not return soon, some infants can become quite distressed, with crying and an increase of behaviors designed to bring the mother and infant together again. If the separation lasts for some days, the first state of crying and "protest" may be replaced by a mood of quiet unhappiness or despair. In the first two or three years of life an infant has no adult sense of time, and since explanations cannot be understood, the infant seems to despair of the mother's return, in a kind of grief or mourning reaction.
It is painful to go on experiencing such hurt, angry and even depressed feelings, and eventually the infant may pass into a state which has been termed "detachment". It may be thought that the child has "settled", and he or she may appear happy. He may be friendly to almost anyone, except to his mother if she re-appears. Children in this state will often turn away from their mothers or appear not to recognize them. It seems that they cannot bear to have the feelings of hurt and longing brought up again. These reactions are more likely when the child is away from home and in a strange environment. They may be less, or absent, if the child has good substitute mothering, preferably from a known member of his or her own family, throughout the period of separation.
If the separation is unavoidable it is desirable that the mother and infant should visit each other whenever possible, even if this appears to upset the infant at the time. It is more healthy for this crying and upset to come to the surface, than for it to be bottled up for later on. This particularly applies if a toddler's mother goes to hospital to have another baby. It also applies if an infant or young child has to go to hospital, and in such cases it is often desirable for the mother and/or another member of the family to spend time helping to care for the child in the hospital, if medical and family circumstances are suitable.
If such separation in early childhood is not well handled, sensitive children may be emotionally disturbed for a considerable time afterwards. It is believed that children aged 6 months to 4 years are more particularly vulnerable. On reunion with mother after a separation it is helpful if the mother can recognize what her child has been feeling. It is important to understand and accept the feelings of hurt, anger and sadness which may come to the surface, perhaps with clinging and babyish behavior, as the child seeks to clear the way to develop once again a trusting, loving and co-operative relationship with his parents. This is one of Nature's healing processes which should be handled with gentle respect and acceptance, not punishment.
ReplyDeleteIn my view separating a Mother from her Children's is very In Human.. Hope this Lady gets United with her kids Soon n Their Father be Punished for this Heinous CRIME...
ReplyDelete